Mr. Right Pt. 2

We all need something or someone to blame. You blame it on the alcohol, the childhood, your friends, as long as the blame is not on you. He blames her. He blames her for all of the heartache, the pain, and the end of a beautiful dysfunctional romance. He blames her for the same thing she knew was bound to happen, the thing that was inevitable. She can't understand why he would blame her. Nothing was definite. Everything was substantial or a possibility. How could he blame her for something that was not even in existence? he tried to love her after the pain, he wanted to love her after that moment. The truth is he couldn't, he was ultimately bruised. He hated her for the possibilities of what could have been and what he wanted it to be. She loved him for those same reasons. He hated the fact he allowed her to do it before he knew what the future could have held, she loved him because he trusted her that much. The pain that lived in him would not allow him to kiss her the same, to hold her the same, he definitely could not love her the same. The thought of what she could of been and she chose not to be, he questioned what he meant to her and the possibilities. How much did she love him if she could just do that before she had a chance to see. She felt differently she loved him more, she gained more passion, he turned his head, she put her head in his lap. She wanted him to love her more. It was not that she did not want it to be it was just that she could not risk her future. She couldn't risk not making it, and not becoming successful for something neither one of them was sure about. They suffered from the same situation. He blamed Her. She loved Him. They should have blamed selfishness.

Destiny.

Some say it laid out for you. Some say you have to go find it. I am not trying to tell people what to think or what to do. I believe you have to take control of your destiny. It may be set up but you have to work towards getting there. It irritates me so much when people sit on their [expletive] and say everything is going to be ok God will provide. Granted God will provide, But geeezzzz meet Him halfway. He is not going to come to your house pick you up off of your couch and say Jane/ John Doe this is Destiny and vice versa. You have to prove you deserve whatever God has laid out for you. Who am I to get all spiritual?? I'm no one, but its just frustrating to go home or just look around period and see people I truly care about in the same position they were in two, three, four years ago. it really saddens me because they have all the potential in the world but the sit around and wait for something to come to them. Gee, Golly, Wiz!!!! Life is definitely too short to be too afraid to try because you think you are going to fail if you step out on your own. You have to take risk and chances to better yourself, the failures in life only makes you stronger as a person. Its ok to step out in the world by yourself with your fave things and give the world a chance. The worst thing is that someone will tell you no. Believe where someone has told you no the more significant yes will be rite around the corner. You wil not fail as long as you refuse to give up. But....Destiny does not make house calls.

Can I have a sing Newport??

Everyone knows its February. Before the month is over I feel I must write about Black love. [Its black history month and national heart month....duhh!] Well anyway our president is black and so is his wife, their love is ultimately beautiful. But....that is not the case for most black people especially young black people. We seem to have gotten caught up in this whole "you do you, imma do me," era and we forgot the concept of really being with someone. Most of us settle for casual sex to feed our needs at the moment. The young men don't want to settle down so the girls act like its nothing, they just want to smoke the ciggz and not buy the whole carton. No matter what a girl may say....every girl wants to buy the whole carton!! I just believe its sad that a young educated black woman may have to wait until she is ready to get her groove back to be with an educated black man. Then the question comes about when did we become so superficial and cynical that we are willing to keep having these casual relationships (smoke outs) because it seems to be cool? This is not cool, not by a long shot. Hopefully we as people will want to get married, but I do not want to marry a man who has more notches in his belt than earthquake. Can you say eww disgusting??? And hopefully he wouldn't want to do the same. I want to settle down with a black man, an educated black man, one who knocks my socks off. Hopefully while he is knocking my socks off he's not knocking socks off of everyone I ever came in contact with. I guess I am trying to say we need to get the love back black people and stop with all the unattachment. Get attached.

Dream Love.

She dreams of the perfect love. The one who is absolutely compatible with her. He feeds her soul an she does the same to him. They get each other, its normally hard for people to understand him, and she could never be figured out, but them, oh they get each other. Its hard to explain and its not iterpreted well in words. All they know is that they could not have dreamed of a more beautiful love. She has not found him yet! Its no ones fault but her own. She stands in her own way constantly, she keeps repeating this vicious cycle and recycling the same two men. Neither one of them is the perfect love. Mr. Right is the one she always runs back to because he is her safety zone, she knows he will always be there and he'll say something to make her feel secure. She's not in love with him anymore and she kind of don't get anything out of talking to him. Nonetheless she can't stop talking to him. She doesn't know what it is but he pulls her in and it is something about him that intrigues her. then there is Mr. Man he could be the one for her he really could. But he is very juvenile and it seems like she is about fifteen steps ahead of him/ So, why does these guys keep her mind captivated? Because she falls in love with the things she can't understand, the more confused she is the more intrigued she is. She is captivated by the curiosity of it all. She tells herself she deserves better, but she knows she will always be captivated by these mysterious characters that will always impact her life in some way shape or form. Eventually, the perfect love will come along and he will intrigue her more than Mr. Right and Mr. Man combined he will be more mysterious and more exotic, he'll be everything she is and more.

first love.

We met at such a young age.I tried to resist, because i knew he was like a drug and he could cause instability in my life. But he captivated me pulling me closer with every piece. I grew to love him more and more by the season. Once he was in my life I knew he was there to stay. Although we do not always see eye to eye and when we are mad at each other and I see him with other girls I despise him. But the next season i know he will be back in my life making it better than it was the last season. And we are absolutely inseperable in the summertime, because he knows the right thing to do and unlike most first loves he is always true. Now that we are far apart he is becoming harder to reach and one point I thought maybe it wasn't for me. But it was winter and it is hard to see his full capability through the snow and rain and heavy coats. So we decided to chill until spring and just like I expected he was there with something new and more intricate than the last time. My first love and I have a complicated relationship, he doesn't always give in to my ideas but he allows me to be creative and never lets me lose myself. i will forever adore him because I chose to be with him. As we go through the years other men will come and go and I may fall in love again. But summer will roll around and when the sandals, dresses, and floral prints return, I will always remember the first day I finally understood you and I wanted you to be a part of me. i love you Fashion...we will always be.